Page one of a new comedy by Me and Johnny.

EXT. SUBURBAN STREETS – DAY
Harold (24) is sitting in his car at a stop light Perfect Way
by Scritti Politi is playing on the radio. We hear a
RUMBLING as a large black SUV pulls alongside. The DRIVER
(30) rolls his window down.

DRIVER
You going to pick up some midgets
from a porn shoot?

HAROLD
Yeah I’m kinda lost which way is
your mom’s house.

DRIVER
Oh you think you’re big? You’re
just a small fry in a small ride.

Driver pulls away into the sunset, Scritti Politi fades into
high energy music credits roll.

EXT. SUBURBAN STREETS – NIGHT
A group of SAMURAI warriors are standing ready to fight a
cadre of ninjas. Steel and low pitched yells echo through
the streets.

INT. BRIAN’S ROOM – DAY
An alarm clock is beeping, BRIAN (25) opens his exhausted
eyes and is startled into life.

INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
LUCIAS (22) wearing a dirty green shirt and black cargo
shorts is lying on a contorted beige love-seat sleeping one
off.

BRIAN
Damn it!

LUCIAS
Huh? Man what time is it?

BRIAN
It’s 6:43.

LUCIAS
Oh man you’ve got to get some
sleep. Burning the midnight oil
just ain’t working for you dude.

BRIAN
I tried to sleep last night. It’s
those damn ninjas-

LUCIAS
Samurai, dude.

BRIAN
What?

LUCIAS
They are Samurai, they defend the
neighborhood from the ninjas, those
vile assassins, it’s how they got
such a good mortgage.

BRIAN
Well whatever. They’ve been
keeping me up this past week and I
just got my dream job working the
early morning talk shift where I
can really reach the people and . . .

Lucias fumbles in his shorts pocket and pulls out a whole
gram cracker he breaks it along the perforation and offers
half to Brian. Brian declines.

LUCIAS
You’ve got to stop being so uptight
you’ll never build an audience.

BRIAN
Well those damn nijarais are gonna
cost me my chance to make a
difference.

INT. RADIO STATION BOOTH – DAY
Brian rests his face on the palm of his right hand and
desperately tries to stay awake during the local news brief.
His head slips from his hand and slams into a table.

EXT. SUV DEALERSHIP – DAY
Slow pan and then swoosh pan to Tractor Dealership.

INT. TRACTOR HARDWARE STORE – DAY
A Musiac version of Thunder Rolls by Garth Brooks plays in the
background, assorted tactor supplies and hardware are laid
out like a BMW dealership. Harold (24) is aimlessly thumbing
through a brochure on tractor supplies as a sales
representative approaches him.

SALES REP
So what can I get fer ya?

HAROLD
I’m looking to get one of your top
of the line tractors.

SALES REP
Okay, now what will you being doing
with it?

HAROLD
What do you mean?

SALES REP
How many acres you looking to plow?
To till will you be wanting to
disperse any seed or pesticides?

HAROLD
Oh, no I just want to buy a big
tractor.

EXT. THE HOUSE – DAY
Brian is somewhat disheveled as he stumbles toward the door.
He mumbles to himself.

BRIAN
Fired . . . hey it’s not that bad.
Just got my old time and title back
as DJ REDEYE. Who needs to drive
change and inspire the busy ants of
the world . . .

Brian looks around, a woman is pushing a stroller on the
opposite side of the street and the mail man is walking by.

BRIAN
(cont’d)
ANTS! And you damn ninjas you can
come get some whenever you want
I’ll kick all your asses.

Lucias opens the door and flashes a smirk.

LUCIAS
Brian man, why are you so drunk?

BRIAN
Because I’ve been drinking since 10
AM.

LUCIAS
What happened did the world bank
collapse or something? They better
still accept my coupons over at
Little Ernesto’s Pizza Cornucopia.

Brian looks at Lucias with faint red eyes then collapses on
the sidewalk. The mail man steps over him and gleefully
hands a bushel of junk mail to a jolly Lucias.